Or don’t just focus on the fact that they’re ‘there’ – it’s the quality of the ‘there’ that matters.

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In fact they may have an “I’m comfortable so they must be comfortable” attitude.

You may feel like you’re being ‘toyed’ with, especially if you’ve broken up a number of times and tried your best to move on, only for them to swoop in with big promises and short-term changes in their behaviour that soon roll back to their old ways.

Why, if they know that they can’t give me what I want, are they still hanging around like a blue arsed fly letting me think that it’s a possibility?

One of two things are going to happen: You’re going to end up managing down your expectations until one day it suddenly occurs to you that your needs, wants, and expectations aren’t being met while they’re having a grand ‘ole time on their terms.

Remember that they can’t stay or keep returning if you’re no longer there. Whether it’s figuring out what’s going on in a troubling relationship, understanding you and self-care, or being more assertive, I’m here to help you guide you.

A recent New Scientist article "The most ancient piece of you" (4 November 2017) discussed the common ancestors of living beings today.

Don’t allow someone to keep pulling the same con on you numerous times because there’s ‘hopeful’ and then there’s relationship crack.

It’s also important not to just focus on the fact that they keep coming back – they keep bullshitting their way in and leaving too.

Or, you end up in one of those awkward, standoff power struggles where you each keep trying to get your own way instead of just walking away.